My girl
by kundrie
Summary: I have absolutely no idea where this story will go. I started off with f!Hawke&Merrill, but it might just as well turn into Mabari&Veal bone by the end. I hope someone is actually gonna enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.
1. Chapter 1

Shani was tired. After everything that's happened.

First, the disturbing news of darkspawn horde defeating the King's army at Ostagar. Cailan is dead, people said, and there's no one to take his place. Ferelden is in turmoil. The Gray Wardens had betrayed us. We still have Loghain Mac Tir, the Hero of River Dane, but will he be able to protect us against the Blight, like he did almost 30 years ago with Orlesians ? A great general, said some, but not so young any more, and his judgement may not be as clear as it used to be. Korcari Wilds and the Deep Roads are crawling with monsters like no human has seen in years. Even the Chasind wilders are seeking safer ground. The Archdemon might appear at any moment.

The feeling of hopelessness and complete panic was overwhelming. Especially in Lothering, since it wasn't very far from Ostagar. Many families fled very soon after the news of Calian's death broke, expecting the worst. Other stayed, hoping that the Blight isn't a real threat.

Hawke sighed and for the hundredth time regretted that she can't bite herself in the ass. 'It's not a Blight', her own words echoed inside her head. 'And even if it is, the darkspawn will go straight for Redcliffe and Denerim. Lothering is safe and sound, the worst we can get is one, maybe two lost patrols, and we can deal with that with our eyes closed. You know, because of the smell.' She remembered the worried, skeptical expressions on her siblings faces. 'We'll be fine, I promise. I can bet my hair on that, and you know it's my greatest pride'. It was true, every man in Lothering knew Hawke for her fiery red mane. No one could figure out how did that happen: Leandra was a brunette when she was younger, both Carver and Bethany had rather fair skin and dark hair, just like Malcolm. Shani was pale as a snowflake, had fierce, green eyes and was covered with freckles. Leandra must have had a lot of explaining and convincing to do when her eldest was born.

'I'll hold you to that' said Carver with that nasty smirk on his face.

'I was way to confident when there was absolutely no reason for that' she thought, looking at Gamlen walking away to talk to his contacts in Kirkwall. 'What was I thinking ? I was at Ostagar, I saw the horde myself... I guess the power of denial is unbelievable.'

* * *

><p>After they finally escaped the darkspawn and stopped to catch a breath, Shani sat down and started cleaning off blood covering her favorite daggers. She won them in a drinking contest from that weird chantry sister a couple of weeks ago. She was trying to remember the woman's name when suddenly Carver jumped up to her, grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulled her head towards him and with one, quick slash cut her ponytail off. Hawke didn't have the time to react, as the darkspawn caught up with them again.<p>

'Carver ! I swear I'm gonna cut much more than that when I lay my hands on you !' she screamed, easily evading the Hurlock's attack and slashing his exposed throat artery. The monster gurgled and fell to the ground.

'I thought we had a bet !' replied Carver, beheading two Genlocks at once. Damn, Shani thought, he really is good with that sword. I wouldn't even be able to lift that thing.

'And I thought you knew how to tell if I'm joking or not, you idiot ! Duck, now !' she shouted and threw a knife where her brother's head was merely half a second ago. The Blight Wolf got hit exactly between the eyes in mid jump. It didn't even howl. Carver rushed towards the next Hurlock.

'Maybe I don't know the difference too well, but at least I can see a fucking Blight coming !'

'We were both at Ostagar ! There were lots of these disgusting vermin but...' Shani turned towards the next enemy, quickly cutting through his defense and kicked the sword out of his hand. The Genlock looked at her, confused, but she had no time to wonder if he was a true darkspawn patriot or an innocent kid found drunk and passed out in the street of the Deep Roads by the Official Blight Recruiting Company. She stabbed him with both daggers and pulled them apart. Blood gushed from his opened ribcage, covering her hands and chest. She has always thought of herself more as an artist than a fighter. And that squealing figure, kneeling before her, desperately trying to stop the life flowing out of its veins... That was a work of art.

'...like I was saying, Ostagar was a bit crowded, but it didn't look that bad, you said so yourself, Carver !'

'What in the Maker's holy name is wrong with you two ?' screamed Bethany, sending a fireball into the last group of darkspawn. The smell of burnt flesh and melting iron made Shani strangely excited. Sometimes she regretted she didn't have magic. That would truly expand her killing horizons. 'We've got bigger problems than your sibling rivalry right now !'

Hawke sticked her dagger into the last monster's wide open mouth. The shriek made a strange noise, fell down on the ground and started choking on its own blood. She watched it for a while, fascinated as usual. She never hurt anyone for no reason and generally tried to avoid a fight, but when she finally killed - she like to watch her masterpiece for a moment. When the shriek finally bled out, she spat on the corpse and went up to her sister.

'The Maker ?' she said quietly. 'Look around, Bethany. Our home is destroyed. Our friends are gone. Our king is dead. Our dog... Apparently, our dog is eating roasted Hurlocks.'

Carver looked over his shoulder. Dante was covered in blood and seemed very busy with ripping something out of Hurlock's chest. Somehow knowing they were talking about him, the mabari gave a loud, happy bark and continued lurking for more tempting organs.

'Maybe he wants to become a Gray Warden' he said without a smile.

Shani laughed.

'Yeah, I could totally see him killing the Archdemon.'

She slowly walked up to the Blight Wolf and ripped her knife from it's skull. It's eyes were wide open. Shani thought she saw a shadow of regret in it's expression. She forced a smile and faced her sister.

'There is no Maker, my dear. We are alone.'

* * *

><p>Completely exhausted, she reached for a potion and discovered in horror it was the last one. Knowing she wouldn't be able to dodge and roll around much longer, Shani quickly uncorked the bottle and drunk what was left. The draught started working immediately. She felt a pleasant warmth and a cold shiver at the same time, her vision sharpened and the pain from fresh wounds faded away. Hawke took a deep breath and as she charged the ogre again, she noticed that something wasn't quite right. She felt great. Too great. Her hands started shaking so violently she could barely control them. Everything got brighter, she got blinded for a second when Bethany attacked the monster with another fireball. She was on the verge of passing out, her heart wanted to beat out of her chest at all cost. 'I must have had too much of these' she thought, when the ogre has almost ripped her arm off with a powerful blow and she didn't even feel it.<p>

Aveline got the giant's attention, attacking it from the other side.

'What is wrong with you, Hawke ! Move !'

Shani stood in the middle of the battlefield, completely intoxicated. She dropped the daggers and fell to her knees.

'Bethany, do something !' Aveline screamed desperately. She was tired too. Without Hawke they would never kill that thing.

Shani felt someone grabbing her arm and a wave of cleansing energy went down her spine. She looked around. Her sister's face was right next to hers.

'You'll thank me later' she said. 'Now help us kill that thing.'

Shani got up. The ogre turned its horrifying face towards them. It was bleeding from multiple wounds and one of its eyes was swollen disgustingly. The whole weight of the monster's body was on its left leg, since Aveline slashed its right Achilles tendon.

'Try to get him from the right, he won't be able to reach you that easily. I'll get on his blind side.' Hawke picked up her daggers and spat on the ground. 'Let's finish this.'

As Aveline and Bethany attacked furiously, Hawke slowly circled the ogre, looking for an opening. She didn't have much strength left, so tactics was crucial. 'Come on boy, let me in, let me in...' She thought, watching his steps closely with her dagger ready. And then a lot of things happened very fast at the same time.

The ogre roared desperately and attacked, aiming for Bethany, but he slipped on the puddle of his own blood and fell down on one knee, hitting Aveline and sending her shield flying towards the cliffs. Shani saw an opportunity. She sneaked between his legs, jumped up as high as she could and stabbed him right into his sternum. The roar of pain almost made her eardrums explode, but she didn't let go. She held to the sword's hilt for dear life as her weight pulled her down, slowly ripping him open. As he tried to shake her off, he finally lost his balance and fell on his back. That's what she was waiting for. She took out the other dagger, climbed up to his face and stuck it right between his eyes. Her heart skipped a beat when her foot slipped into his open mouth, but he was already dead.

Hawke was so exhausted that when she tried to jump off of the ogre's body she just fell to the ground. Aveline ran up to her, but stopped a few steps away with a weird expression on her face. Shani slowly got back on her feet.

'That was... fun' she said, forcing a smile. The warrior didn't say anything.

'What ?' Hawke asked. 'Do I have something on my face ?'

'Well, actually... You do.'

Bethany walked up to them, carrying Aveline's shield. When she saw her sister, she dropped it, turned around, walked a few steps away and threw up.

Shani touched her head and froze. She was covered in blood and had a large piece of the ogre's intestine in her hair. She squeaked and shook her head to get it out.

'That... Must have happened when i was hanging from his chest.' She said, running her hands through her hair and examining herself closely to make sure no other organs got attached to her armor. 'Good thing my mouth was closed.'

Aveline's face turned even whiter. She looked like if she was going to pass out.

'Aveline, is there something wrong ? Apart from me looking like a butcher's apprentice ?'

She didn't respond. Her eyes were set on something up the nearby hill. Hawke looked that way and froze. This was impossible. She sighed and sat down on the ground.

'You know what ? Fuck it. I'm not even fighting THAT.'

* * *

><p>She wanted to sit down, but didn't really know where. Aveline didn't need any company right now, Hawke was sure of that. The warrior didn't say much since she had to kill her own husband out of mercy. She just sat there, holding Wesley's shield and staring at the horizon. 'I can't imagine what that must feel like' Shani thought. 'Being personally responsible for the death of someone this close to you'. She remembered Aveline's expression, when she kissed him for the last time, held him tight and pushed the dagger in between Wesley's armor plates. The memory of despair in her eyes sent a violent shiver down Shani's spine.<p>

She turned towards her own family, or rather what was left of it. Mother and sister. No, no place for her here either. Leandra was leaning on Bethany's arm and holding her hand with both eyes closed. She was still in shock. It's only been three years since Malcolm died and now fate decided to take Carver away too.

The image of her brother being lifted and smashed to the ground by the ogre snuck up on her again. The sound of bones breaking, his loud gasps for air, while the heart kept pumping blood into the punctured lungs. His forehead cracked open so bad, they could barely recognize him. Fingers digging into the ground to the rhythm of the last spasms. His blue eyes, still. And terrified.

Shani shook her head, trying to think of something else. No, she was not ready to make her peace with Carver's death yet. She didn't want to deal with it, now or ever. Hawke never liked him much, but he was her brother and it hurt. It hurt like hell. She never thought it would be this bad. 'And now the last thing I can thank him for is a haircut' she thought. 'Ohh, to hell with this, from now on I'm gonna cut my hair short. In memory of a brave boy who loved pancakes and got killed by an ogre.'

The fresh wounds started feeling slightly overwhelming. Shani decided to get some space.

'Beths, I'll be back in a little while' she said, trying to cover her eyes with what was left of her red fringe.

'Where are you going ? We're supposed to wait for uncle Gamlen...' responded Bethany softly, trying not to wake mother up.

Hawke sighed. Her eyes were getting dangerously watery. She didn't have much time.

'I think I need some time for myself... And so does Dante. I mean, look at him. He looks as if the last time he peed was back in Ferelden.'

Indeed, the mabari has been fidgeting delicately for some time, but his pride didn't let him just run off anywhere like a stray dog.

'Oh... Fine. But please,don't go far. I... I need to know you're safe.'

'We'll be all right, Beths, don't worry. And when we come back, maybe you could try to do something about my hair ? You were always quite gifted in that department, I mean you made Carver look good and I didn't think that was even possible... Oh my, Bethany, I'm so sorry...' she said quickly, as her sister's eyes momentarily filled with tears.

'C'mon, Dante, let's go.'

* * *

><p>Hawke made her way back to the docks. The sun was just above the horizon. Fereldan families were trying to convince the Kirkwall guards that they had to get into the city. Templars and guardsmen occasionally agreed to let someone in if they were happy with the coin purse's weight. Small children were running around looking for their parents, screaming, crying or laughing, so caught up in some game that they didn't even notice they were lost in a strange place. Shani saw someone being robbed and thrown off the pier. She wanted to react, but the crowd cut her off.<p>

The ship that brought her family to this strange city barely a few hours ago was already gone. 'So that's it', she thought while scratching Dante's ear, 'my last physical connection with Ferelden has disappeared. Funny, how I don't know anything about this place that's been my family's home for years.'

Shani put her hand in her pocket and found something heavy. It was the amulet she got from that Dragon Lady who saved her family when they were fleeing Lothering. 'Strange coincidence' she thought, examining the locket. 'No one I know has ever even seen the Witch of the Wilds, but when I needed a miracle - poof ! There she was. And delivering this is the only thing I have to do to pay my debt ?' Hawke looked at the amulet very closely. For a moment she thought its shape resembled Flemeth's hair.

'I wonder' Shani said out loud 'how much trouble are you going to bring me.'


	2. Chapter 2

Her first year in Kirkwall was terrible.

Mother's brother, Gamlen, turned out to have lost all the money he and his sister inherited. Instead of living in a fancy mansion in the rich part of town, sleeping in silks and having servants massage their feet, the Hawkes were now cooped up in a shack in Lowtown. As if that wasn't enough, Gamlen basically sold Shani and Bethany into slavery to and elven smuggler named Athenril. She turned out not to be as bad as she could have been, but they still were pushed around and referred to as 'Fereldans' for the first couple of months.

No names.

No respect.

Like trash.

And almost no money as well. The Hawke sisters had to do a lot of things they didn't like, especially Bethany, since her moral standards were way higher than Shani's, who often simply didn't tell her sister about the job that needed to be done and went stealing, blackmailing or beating people up by herself. They also had to keep their eyes open for the templars. Kirkwall's Knight Commander seemed to like her job very much and tried to sniff out every single mage in the city and lock them all up in the Gallows. One evening the sisters almost ran into two templars in High Town once. They quickly turned around and walked into the first building they saw to hide. Unfortunately for them, it was not only the brothel, but also the templars destination. Hawke had to give all the coin they had to an elf named Jethann so he would agree to hide them in his quarters. Shani wanted to make the best of it, but Bethany gave her a very disapproving look and she had to pass. They left the Blooming Rose just before sunrise. Someone must have seen them, because Athenril was furious. They didn't even get paid for the next two or three jobs.

Gamlen was starting to get on Hawke's nerves as well. He acted as if Leandra was the one who gambled and whored all her money away. His house stank and they got robbed twice. When Bethany's staff disappeared, Shani sold her favorite knife she got from father years ago and spent all the money she was saving for a new armor to get her a new one.

They tried to make ends meet by getting on the expedition to the Deep Roads organized by a dwarf named Bartrand, but he kept rejecting them saying that he doesn't need any surfacers under ground. Shani almost gave up hope. She had no idea how to provide for her family and started thinking about moving again, either back to Ferelden or to Antiva. It was Bethany who convinced her to go talk to Bartrand one last time. The dwarf yelled at them and told them to stay away or he'll call for the guards. After that terrible conversation they met Bartrand's younger brother Varric. He told them how to convince Bartrand to take them along and turned out to be a great guy. He knew everything there was to know about Kirkwall, helped them get some independent work and his sense of humor made their lives slightly more bearable.

* * *

><p>Shani woke up. It must have been very early, because everyone in Gamlen's house was still asleep, even mother, and she usually got up first.<p>

Something felt different. Hawke was still too sleepy to think clearly and she couldn't figure out what was it. She felt good, like she haven't felt in a very long time. Rested and fresh. Happy. Eager to go out and do stuff. She wanted to make cupcakes, grab her family, go to the most beautiful bay at the Wounded Coast she could find and just enjoy herself.

She shook her head. 'What is wrong with me ? Why would I...'

And then she remembered.

She has officially finished working for Athenril. She had ran her last errand yesterday and even though not everything went according to plan, she had met a runaway Tevinter slave, Fenris. He was just as good with a blade as Carver, she thought, as they cut their way through yet another group of shades and demons in the elf's ex-master's mansion. When he offered to stick around, Shani gladly accepted, for multiple reasons. Firstly, they could use some help from an experienced warrior like him. Secondly, Shani has never met anyone from Tevinter before and thought she could learn a lot about this strange land. Thirdly and most importantly, Fenris was ridiculously handsome. Tall for an elf, he had enchanting green eyes, the deepest voice Hawke has ever heard and his lyrium markings were glowing when he was mad. It would be just terribly stupid to turn him down.

Ahh, you will have plenty of time to think about him later, Shani told herself. 'Try focusing on what's really important right now...'

You are free.

Hawke smiled. Oh, how great that feeling was ! She could finally do whatever she wanted to do, meet some new people, take care of her family properly, or even start saving money for the Deep Roads expedition that Varric has been talking so much about... 'If that went well, we would be financially set for a long time' Shani thought to herself. She tried to get out of bed without waking Bethany up, but failed miserably - her constantly vigilant sister was just impossible to sneak around.

'Hello, Shan' she said in a sleepy voice with her eyes closed.

'Well good morning, my don't-have-to-work-like-a-slave-any-more sister.'

'What are you... Oh !' Bethany immediately sat up, fully awake. They stared at each other for a while and started laughing. They laughed off every job they hated but had to do, every curse ever thrown at them, every fight for life and death they didn't want. It was a difficult year for both of them. Bethany spoke first.

'So... What our first step as free women should be ?'

Shani laughed again.

'How about a pleasant evening at the Hanged Man and maybe a night at the Blooming Rose ?'

Bethany blinked rapidly. She did that whenever her sister said something that according to her was simply over the line.

'I was thinking about delivering that amulet, we promised we would do it...' she said.

'What amulet, sis ?'

'You know, the one we got from the Dragon Lady.'

Hawke jumped out of bed.

'Ohshitshitshitshitshiiiiiiiit ! I completely forgot about that !' Shani started grabbing her weapons and getting dressed at the same time, which resulted in getting entangled in her pants and falling on the floor. 'Ouch ! Damnit ! Where is it ?' She started emptying every drawer in search for the amulet. 'Where is it ! I haven't seen it in months ! Shit, I can't believe this, if I fucking lost it...'

'It's all right Shan, I have it' said Bethany calmly.

Hawke was so surprised she sat on the floor.

'You do ?'

Bethany reached under her shirt and took out Flemeth's amulet.

'I've been wearing it for some time now. I figured it was really important and you'd lose it eventually... Besides, it's quite nice, don't you think ? Yes, it's magical' she said, answering the question that wasn't yet asked. 'And it's very powerful. I can feel it. I have no idea what it does, but it has no effects on the person wearing it. I have even tried opening it with magic...'

'Are you kidding ?' Hawke shouted suddenly. 'We got it from the Witch of the Wilds herself, we have pretty much no idea what it really is or what it does, apart from the fact that it's obviously dangerous as fuck, you KNOW it's powerful and still you try opening it ? And not even with a knife or a sledgehammer for Maker's sake, you use magic on it ? Do you want to get killed ?' She got up and started getting dressed again. Neither of them spoke for a while. Bethany looked like if she was expecting this for a long time.

Shani finally broke the silence.

'I'm sorry, Beths. I didn't mean to yell at you, but... You know I don't know that much about magic. I'm not afraid of it when you use it and I have fought some mages lately so I'm not really scared of them either... It's just... I think Miss Dragon there was something way too much for us to comprehend and by messing with her stuff you could have gotten hurt or worse and I would never let anything bad happen to you, but... I mean I never fought a dragon...'

'It's fine, Shan' Bethany said. 'I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do, I was just so curious to see what it does, but it didn't respond in any way. But tell me: were you a mage, wouldn't you...'

'Of course I would.' said Hawke automatically. They both chuckled.

'So, a trip to Sundermount it is' Bethany got up and grabbed her staff.

* * *

><p>'Pol, how many times do I have to tell you - if you've made it this far and actually shot a deer, you don't jump out of your hiding spot immediately ! If you missed the heart and hit the lung or, even worse, the stomach, the animal is not just going to drop dead right there and then ! You need to wait patiently for it to lie down somewhere and die, then follow the blood trail and voila, you've got yourself a deer. But if you start stalking it immediately after the shot, it's going to get scared, and wounded animals can run like hell for quite some time !'<p>

'I'm sorry, Terath, I'll try to remember that next time' Pol's face turned red as he stirred the boiling mixture in the pot.

Terath sighed.

'Don't worry, city boy, you'll get it one day.'

Pol blushed even more.

'Please, don't call me that.'

'I apologize, I forgot you didn't like that.' The hunter sat down next to his friend. 'Anyway, no need to get embarrassed. You still are the best cook in the whole camp, I doubt you will ever need to hunt.'

The red headed elf let a tiny smile appear on his face.

'Well, I was a servant to the Arl's cook back in Denerim...'

Terath laughed.

'See ? You coming here was the best thing to happen to everyone. You get to embrace your true, elven nature and I... erm, we get to eat your legendary stew while guarding the camp ! It's perf... Wait, did you hear that ?'

Pol raised his head. Yes, he heard it too.

Someone was getting close to the camp. Someone who definitely came from the shemlen city.

Terath slowly got up and reached for his bow. Seeing Pol's frightened expression, he whispered 'It's just a warning. So they wouldn't get any closer.'

'And... what if they do ?' Pol asked and froze when he saw a disgusting smile appear on his friend's face.

'Then we do what we do best.'

'We cook them ?'

Terath sighed and looked at the road. 'Two shems, a dwarf and one of our own' he said quietly, stood up and fired an arrow. It hit the ground three steps from the first human. The group stopped at once. The dark haired elf chuckled and whispered 'Oh, come on, little shems, take just one step over that arrow and you won't live to see another...'

He was interrupted by loud, theatrical coughing. Both elves looked at each other, confused. And then they heard a woman's voice.

'Erm, hello ! We're here to deliver some jewelry to a lady called Mare-Tharee or something on a behalf of a huge-ass dragon...'

Sound of a punch.

'Ouch ! All right ! So we've had the pleasure of meeting a woman who called herself Flemeth and is widely known as the Witch of the Wilds...'

'You may know her as Asha'bellanar' a nicer, softer voice added.

'Yes, Asha- what ?' the first woman asked quietly.

'Nothing, just keep going.'

'Right, so we've met her and she asked us to bring this amulet here, to Mare-Tharee ! Is there a Mare-Tharee in this camp ?'

The elven warriors looked at each other in shock. This must have been a joke.

'We're sorry it took us so long, but we're kinda new around here and the city is... Well... Guys, help me out here...'

'Confusing' someone said in a deep voice.

'Oh, thanks, Fenris, it's very confusing ! So If you could tell that lady to come here and take her package, we'd just be on our way. We'll be waiting right here. Your arrow invitation is, erm, very charming, but we don't want to impose.'

After a good minute of silence from both sides, Pol glanced at Terath again. His friend looked as if he stepped into something disgusting. Barefoot.

'Just... Just go get the Keeper.'

* * *

><p>'So let me get this straight, you want me to go up that mountain with your apprentice who will dance around with the amulet for a while, then come back here, take him back to the city and you, me and Flemeth are gonna be square ?'<p>

'Her' Keeper Marethari corrected Hawke calmly. 'My First's name is Merrill.'

'Your first ?' Shani chuckled. 'That's a little private to share with everyone, don't you think ?'

'First to the Keeper, sis' Bethany explained quickly trying to make the kick she gave Shani as unnoticeable as possible. 'In the Dalish culture it's the same as apprentice'.

Marethari gave her a pleasant smile.

'You seem to know quite a bit about us' she said.

'Well, I try to gather as much knowledge as I can. Unlike some. We'll just be on our way.'

* * *

><p>'So where is the First Girl ?' asked Varric with a great deal of curiosity in his voice. He loved meeting new people. It almost always meant more juicy gossip, which was essential for his tales.<p>

'We're supposed to meet her on the way up the mountain' Shani said. She was in a good mood. The Keeper wasn't at all mad at her for taking so long with the delivery and none of them got killed. Yet. 'I wonder what a Dalish apprentice looks like.'

Varric chuckled.

'I'm sure she's got a black robe, a big, pointy hat and a pet owl.'

'Why would she have an owl ?' asked Bethany. 'Owls don't do anything useful.'

'Maybe you just don't know if they do, Sunshine ! Remember, this is a whole different culture.'

'Do you think she'll be fat ?' laughed Hawke. 'I have never in my life seen a fat elf. And I don't just mean chubby, I'm talking morbid obesity. Have you ever seen an extremely overweight elf, Varric ? I guess if something like that existed you'd know first.'

'I think you've got me there' Varric laughed. 'Never heard of one. but I've heard of an elf who ate a huge fish and it lived inside of him for a week... Or was it the other way around ? Damn it, what was his name...'

'Noe' said Fenris. 'I know that tale.'

Bethany frowned.

'This makes no sense at all. How would he...'

'Shh' Hawke stopped them. 'I think that's her.'

* * *

><p>Bethany stopped and took a second to look around. She has never been to a place like this before. The low fog prevented her from seeing her own feet. At first they were worried that they wouldn't see the road, but the First explained that due to the manner of running Dalish elves do not make paths nor roads - the grass unbends as soon as they lift their feet. The only thing that counts while traveling is direction, she said. Fenris didn't seem to realize that nature will bend at his feet's will and stepped on a sharp stone as soon as they left the camp.<p>

The mountain looked completely untouched by a living creature, but something told Bethany that it had a very long and interesting history. The aura of this place was paralyzing and liberating at the same time. When they passed four gigantic stones with some mysterious carvings surrounding an unguarded fire, Bethany felt like if she was in the Chantry. She thought she should ask the First about Sundermount's history when they have a moment.

Fenris' foot has swollen a bit and it hurt him to walk fast. Varric stayed with him, but they fell so far behind Bethany could barely see them. Shani and the elven girl were just ahead of her.

'Shan, maybe we should stop and wait for the boys' she said and immediately felt like someone was watching her, silently disapproving of her breaking the silence.

There was no answer.

'Shani !'

Nothing.

Maker, that's enough. She's embarrassing herself.

Bethany walked up to her sister and grabbed her arm. Hawke stopped, looking a bit confused.

'Shani, I think we should take a quick break and wait for the rest of the group' she said.

The First stopped as well. Bethany felt a little shiver go down her spine. While this girl was certainly pretty, there was something very odd about her. And it wasn't just her physique, completely unnatural for humans. She was awfully thin, even among her people. Bethany could see that the elf wasn't completely comfortable with that - her tunic was slightly too baggy and the straps were quite loose, she also wore a scarf to hide her long neck. The idea might not have been that bad itself, but the tight chainmail and leather pads were ruining the effect completely. Dressed in greens and browns, carrying an old looking wooden staff, she seemed poor and untidy. Braids in her hair were only making it worse. Her fingers were long and sort of spider-like and she had some nasty wounds on her hands and arms. One of them, covering whole palm of the girl's hand, was actually very fresh. Blood was lazily dripping down her fingers. She didn't even seem to notice.

What really put Bethany on her guard, was her eyes. Big, violently green eyes which would make her look like a child, if it wasn't for the expression.

Desperation. Hopelessness. Fading pride.

Like a little cat, slowly forgetting that it once had a home and a loving family, now dying of hunger in the street.

'It's a good idea' she said quietly, still very nervous, looking at her own bare feet. 'I'm not sure which way we have to go from here so we probably should stay together. I'm sorry, I haven't really been up here this often. Besides, I get lost awfully easily. It's not very Dalish of me, most of my clan know their way around Sundermount perfectly. I guess I should have been going out more when I still could.' she blushed slightly. 'But that doesn't matter. Let us not talk any more. Unless... Unless you want to talk, I will be very happy to listen to you. I don't know what humans usually talk about. But if you don't want me listening, that's fine too... I mean... Oh, Creators, I'll just go sit over there.'

She walked a few steps, slipped on the grass and almost fell. The Hawke sisters looked at her for a while. Shani licked her lips.

Bethany had enough. She grabbed her sister by the elbow and walked her towards the closest bush, providing a very slight bit of privacy.

'Shan, get a hold of yourself' she said half angry, half amused.

Hawke looked at her, confused.

'What are you talking about, sis ?'

'Don't you "what are you talking about" me, missy, I've known you my whole life and I've seen this before. For the first half an hour you at least tried to keep a conversation, but now you're just walking exactly five steps behind her.'

'So ?'

Bethany sighed.

'Even I know that five steps is the perfect distance for legs and ass admiration. You can't keep your eyes of her. I'm shocked you still haven't knocked your teeth out cause it's really slippery up here.'

Hawke blushed furiously and scratched her head, but didn't say anything.

Bethany sighed again, even deeper.

'Maker's breath sis, she's a baby...'

'Merrill's almost nineteen' mumbled Shani, trying to avoid looking her sister directly in the face. 'She's pretty much your age. It's the eyes that make her look twelve.'

'You are 23 !'

'Almost 23 and please keep your voice down. I love you sis, but please leave it to me, I'm sure i can handle this on my own.' A tiny smirk appeared on her face again. 'And don't you think for a second that I haven't seen YOU eyeing our broody, barefoot friend.'

Now it was Bethany's turn to blush.

'I don't know what... Uggh, you !' she chuckled and gave her sister a delicate punch. Hawke laughed too. They needed to get rid of this weird tension growing in them and surrounding them. They sat down on the grass. It's been a while since they had a chance to talk about something else than work. Shani picked a little, white flower and started ripping the leafs off.

'Not really my type, but I admit, he's very handsome.'

'I know. And he seems quite smart, too. I've managed to chat with him a bit, and even though he hates mages, he's been... Well, maybe not NICE nice, but polite. Which doesn't happen when he talks to Anders. And he's been super-broody since he found out that Merrill is a mage too. But maybe it's just the foot.' Bethany looked around to check if Fenris and Varric haven't caught up with them already. 'But he distances himself from everyone... Well, I don't really know how to... You know. Kick this off.'

'So you're serious about this ? Bethany, are you actually interested in someone for the first time in your life ? Or maybe you've had hundreds of lovers and five children already but you somehow forgot to tell me ?' Hawke put up a wounded expression on her face.

'Oh, ha ha. I think... I don't know, but I feel... Sort of happy and relaxed when I talk to him. But maybe I'm just imagining things.'

'What things, Sunshine ?' asked Varric, who finally caught up with them. Fenris was a few meters behind him. 'Tell me everything, it'll make a hell of a story. "Visions at Sundermount". I like it already.'

'Oh, it's nothing. Just girl talk.' Hawke threw the bold flower away and stood up. 'Fenris, how is your foot ? We're not in much of a hurry, but I'm concerned.'

The elf stopped and leaned on a big rock.

'I'm fine' He said, looking Hawke directly in the face.

'No he's not' said Varric with a serious voice. 'He walked into two puddles and he's been glowing slightly for good ten minutes. Oh, don't look at me like that, elf, you know I can't keep a secret. I'm allergic to secrets.'

'I said I'm fine' he repeated, but Shani noticed pain in his voice.

'Maybe you should let Bethany take a look, she knows quite a bit about healing' Hawke proposed. 'Don't worry, she's not gonna cut you open and use your blood to summon a Pride Demon... Since he's clearly standing right in front of me.' she added with a smirk.

Fenris blushed.

'Come on, broody boy, let go of your hate' Varric laughed, patting him on the back.

'Uggh, fine' the elf sat down. 'But don't just stand over me, go do something useful.'

'Like what ?' Shani asked.

'Go talk to that mage. I want her to teach me to run like a Dalish so I could avoid wasting your sister's talent on my feet in the future.'

Hawke smiled and nodded. As she turned around and walked away she tried to imagine Bethany's furious blush.

* * *

><p>Hawke was glad to leave the caves. They didn't encounter many creatures there, but it was certainly nice to feel a fresh breeze of cold, fresh air again. The sky was clouded and the mountain looked very sad and cold. Like a cemetery. Merrill, who was leading the group, stopped so suddenly that Shani almost walked right into her. The way forward was blocked off by a force field, stretched between two giant rocks. There was no going around it.<p>

'Oh, right, the barrier, I completely forgot about that, sorry. It will just be a moment' Merrill blushed and stepped forward. She pulled the left sleeve of her chainmail up a bit, took a small, carved knife out of a scabbard on her calf and slit her wrist. She raised her hands and froze. Bethany covered her mouth in shock. The elf's blood didn't run down like it was supposed to; it started slowly circling her arms, moving towards her throat like a red serpent. It passed her neck and made its way towards the girl's other hand, making her look like if she was wearing a scarf. She then made a quick gesture, broke the line dividing the blood into two bracelets. Shani watched stupefied as Merrill raised a few feet above the ground, concentrated the energy and pushed it towards the force field. The barrier turned red for a split second, flashed and disappeared. She turned around to face them. After a good minute of silence, Varric spoke.

'What... What was that, Daisy ?'

'Blood magic' Fenris said before Merrill had a chance to answer. His eyes were full of unspeakable hate and fury. 'She's possessed by a demon.'

'No I'm not !' she said quickly, slipping the knife back into the scabbard. Her blood went back to normal and was flowing out of the open vein pretty badly. 'It's just a different method of fueling your spells. I learned it from a spirit here on Sundermount some time ago. He didn't want anything in exchange, which was very nice of him, don't you think ? It's completely safe, I know what I'm doing, trust me.'

Fenris' face hasn't changed a slightest bit. He walked up to her, said 'you don't' and passed her. Bethany and Varric followed him in silence.

Merrill stood still, looking at her feet. Elgar'nan, I can't believe it's happening all over again. They know me less than two hours and already made up their minds about who I am. It doesn't matter what I do or say, people only see the blood magic. I had the chance to make this work, to meet some new people and start over but now they will just distance themselves from me. Just like the Keeper. Just like Master Ilen. Just like...

Pol.

She bit her lip. Pol. The elf who escaped from Denerim and came to their clan to join them and learn their ways. He was different then the others. So was she. Marethari asked Merrill to teach him elven history. Being the First, she always spent more time reading books and learning new spells than anything else, so teaching Pol was very rewarding - because she couldn't hunt, make weapons nor cook, Merrill always felt a bit useless and she finally could prove herself to someone and pass her knowledge. Pol was very enthusiastic about discovering his roots and enjoyed their meetings. After a while they both started feeling a connection forming between them - a bond of awkwardness, feeling of misplacement and difference. She never thought she would find safety and happiness in the arms of someone so similar to her; so unsure and lost. She did. No one publicly disapproved of their relationship, frankly they seemed glad that the two biggest burdens in the clan are out of sight most of the time. They spent entire days in the woods, talking about elven culture and laughing. Pol was an incredibly talented cook and Merrill was shocked how did he find the time to always make something special for her, between his hunting practice with Tamlen and Terath and crafting lessons with Master Ilen. Every night they were together, every night since their first time she would fall asleep with her head on his chest, holding him closely. When they were alone, he called her emm'asha.

My girl.

And then I ruined it, she thought. I destroyed the best thing I've had in my entire life. And now I screwed up my only chance to start over. I'm never gonna...

Someone took her hand. She looked up and saw Hawke, emptying a small vial on her bleeding wrist. The wound burned terribly - she tried to withdraw her hand, but Shani held her tightly.

'I know, it hurts like a bitch for a while but it'll pass. Just don't touch it.'

Merrill started fidgeting. Hawke let go of her and took a small, clean handkerchief out of her pocket.

'Better ?' she asked. When the elf nodded, Shani proceeded to bandage her hand. 'It's Bethany's specialty. I don't really know what she uses to make that but it closes up minor wounds pretty quick. She would probably use a spell or two as well, but I'm no healer, sorry. Here, all done' she smiled. 'I can't really do anything about the blood loss, so if you feel weak just grab my arm. Do you need a rest before we go further ?'

'Nno, I... I'm fine...'

'Then why are you as pale as a ghost ?'

Merrill lowered her voice, looked at her feet again and asked:

'Didn't you see what I did just there ? Don't you disapprove ?'

The girl before her chuckled. There was something in that laugh that made the elf feel slightly uncomfortable. Something strange. Like and unclear intention. But it only lasted a moment.

'No, I don't. I only wish you could do it without hurting yourself. And if you don't mind, you're gonna tell me everything about it when we get back to Kirkwall. I'd like to know what does it take to learn that. Now, if you feel well enough, let's go. I don't like my business with dragons left unfinished. Besides, I think it's going to rain.'

* * *

><p>'Hahren na melana sahlin.'<p>

Bethany stood a few steps behind Merrill, between Fenris and Hawke. Her father was a powerful mage, he had great knowledge in very different kinds of magic. He taught her everything he knew, from healing and primal spells to the school of spirit and entropy. She never felt uncertain or ignorant about her skills.

Until now.

What that girl was doing was completely above her head. She placed the amulet on the altar and began the rite. Bethany never used her body's movements or vocalizing spells. Merrill looked like if she was meditating and dancing at the same time. She didn't use blood magic any more. This time she seemed to be draining energy straight out of the ground - the grass around her feet went black and turned to ash, the air suddenly seemed cold and dead. The sounds of birds and other animals disappeared. Shani, Fenris, Bethany and Varric felt like they were the last people in the world. Nothing mattered, only the girl before their eyes. Stunned, they watched. She seemed different then before. Enchanting. Beautiful. Dangerous.

'Emma ir abelas souver'inan isala hamin vhenan him dor'felas.'

Merrill's moves, slow in the beginning, changed now. The energy within her was slowly taking control over her body. She started spinning inches above the ground with her hands up faster and faster, reciting words they couldn't understand. A ball of green light formed above her head. She concentrated her whole willpower and pushed it forward. The ball started slowly moving towards the amulet.

'In uthenera na revas.'

Where am I ? I can't see... Pol ? Is that you ? I'm so sorry, I was stupid and stubborn, I don't know what came over me. Let's start over. I love you. I love you, Pol... Mother ? What are you doing here ? Why are you looking at me like that ? Don't you remember ? It's me, Merrill ! I'm doing fine, I'm going to get married soon. Everything is going to be fine. I'm happy, Mother. Don't worry about me.

I'm not alone any more.

The ball of energy touched the amulet.

There was a flash of green light and the ground shook violently. Bethany grabbed Fenris' arm not to fall, Varric lost his balance and sat down. Shani dropped her dagger. And then everything stopped. Merrill spun one last time and fell face down on the ground.

They ran up to her. Shani turned her over and checked her pulse.

'Does anyone have a mirror ? We need to check if she's breathing !'

'There's no need, she's already waking up' said Bethany, raising the girl's eyelid.

'Are you alright, Daisy ?' Varric asked with a worried look on his face. Merrill nodded, to exhausted to talk. Hawke helped Merrill up but she could barely sit on her own. After a minute or so, pale as a ghost and unable to focus her eyes on one point, she said very quietly:

'Ma serannas, I'm much better now. That was just very difficult and I've never done it before.'

Bethany's eyes widened.

'You... What ? That was the first time you did this ?'

'Yes, I'm so sorry, maybe I should have told you. I've read everything I could find on this rite, I just didn't really know what was going to happen.'

'So... Did it work ?'

'I dare say it did' someone said from behind their backs.

Shani jumped up and turned to the altar. There, on the carved stone, holding the amulet and watching them closely sat the Witch of the Wilds herself, with the same smile they saw a year ago. It's the eyes, Hawke thought. Not even the hair. It's the eyes that make her human face resemble a dragon so much. I've seen her in my dreams many times, but I've forgotten all of them. I just remember these yellow, dragon eyes.

When Merrill saw Flemeth, she made a desperate attempt to stand up, but weakness accompanied by Varric and Bethany didn't let her. She bowed her head.

'Andaran atish'an, Asha'bellanar.'

Flemeth looked at her like an eagle looks at its prey.

'No need for that, dear girl, your Keeper is not here. Still, I am impressed. The Rite for the Departed is not an easy one, and you still took very much alive to me.'

Merrill bit her lip. She knew, Hawke thought. She knew it could have killed her, yet she didn't hesitate for a second. Are all elves like that ?

'I... I didn't know you were inside that amulet...' Bethany said shocked.

The witch laughed.

'We need not know everything, even though we'd like to. Still' she turned to Shani 'I am grateful for your help. It seems some people can be trusted after all.'

'I doubt you should trust every single Blight survivor you meet, but I guess you could fry half of Ferelden if you were in the mood so I'm not gonna tell you how to handle your business. So... What now ? Because I doubt you'd like to stick around and help us get rich ? I wanted to get a new house or something...' Hawke didn't manage to say anything more because her sister quickly hit her in the back of the head.

'Shan ! What is wrong with you !'

Flemeth laughed again. For an ancient abomination she was quite cheerful.

'As tempting as it sounds, I'm afraid I must refuse. I have a most important appointment with destiny, you see... And so do you.' She stopped smiling and looked Hawhe deep in the eyes. 'The part you're about to play will be crucial. Do not hesitate to act, dear girl. Wether you will create or destroy is entirely up to you, but if you play it right, the world will remember your name. It is a great responsibility, do not forget it.' She gracefully jumped off the altar and turned away from them. 'And the new house probably lies on the same path.'

Hawke wanted to say something, but Flemeth already started changing. Seconds later the High Dragon spread its wings and took off with a deafening roar.

Merrill tried to stand up, but lost her balance again and would have fallen if Shani hadn't caught her.

'Why didn't you tell us the ritual was so dangerous ?' she asked quietly.

The girl gave her a very sad smile.

'Would it change anything ?'

'Well, you might have asked the Keeper to perform it herself, I mean she's more experienced and all, I guess it wouldn't be so difficult for her ?'

'The Keeper asked me to do it and she must have had her reasons for it. Let us not speak of it any more - what's important is that your business with Asha'bellanar is settled and you... I mean, we can return to your city.'

'Are you sure you want to do this, Daisy ?' Varric asked. 'It's gonna be very different from what you've seen here. Have you ever even been to a human city before ?'

'I... I've known someone who lived in one, so I've heard a lot of stories. Mostly bad ones. But I'm sure this will be different, I mean, you're so good to me so other humans can't be very different, can they ?'

Varric looked at her to make sure she wasn't joking. Then he sighed.

'You've got a lot to learn, Daisy. Let's get going.'

* * *

><p>'Ma serannas, child' said Marethari when they finally appeared at the Dalish camp again and Shani gave her the amulet. 'You have my thanks. Your debt is paid in full.' She turned towards Merrill. 'As for you, da'len...'<p>

'Dareth shiral, Keeper' she said and walked a few meters away. Marethari looked at Shani.

'Please dear, take care of her. She's very proud and ambitious. Do not let her destroy herself over something she thinks is important.'

Hawke frowned.

'Aren't you taking her freedom away the main reason she's leaving ? If she really wants to do blood magic, the only thing I can do is stitch her up and make sure she eats a proper meal afterwards... Oh, alright, I'll look after her' she added, seeing a disapproving expression on Marethari's face. 'But don't expect me to be a babysitter - the girl is an adult and can make her own life choices.'

'Thank you, Hawke.' Merrill came up to them again. 'Let's go, I do not wish to stay here any longer. If you don't mind, of course.'

'No, sure, let's get going. Where are your things ?'

'What things ?' The elf asked, surprised.

'Well, your clothes, books, personal belongings, whatever ?'

'There are no personal belongings among the Dalish' the Keeper interrupted calmly. 'The clan shares everything. If the First chooses to abandon us, she must leave everything behind.'

Shani thought she saw a flash of fury in Merrill's eyes. To avoid an open conflict, she smiled and asked 'Can she at least keep her clothes and staff ? Or would you have her march into Kirkwall naked and unarmed ? Maker's breath, you said she's the proud one and here you are, denying her everything she owns, simply because she's made a decision that you did not like ?'

'She's never approved of anything I ever did in my life' Merrill said looking Marethari directly in the face. 'and that's why I have to go. Please, let's depart, now. Dareth shiral, Keeper.'

When they finally walked away, Marethari sat down and stared at the fire blankly for a very long time.

They have left Sundermount far behind them, when Varric finally spoke.

'So, Daisy, are you gonna tell us why exactly is it that you decided to leave ?'

'What is there to say ?' Merrill said quietly, avoiding eye contact. 'You just saw pretty much everything there was to see. I'm sorry for that. The Dalish aren't usually like that. I guess it was mainly my presence that made them seem so hateful. Maybe some day I'll tell you more, but now I think I'm just too tired. Is that alright ?'

'I can't wait.' Varric chuckled. 'I'm sensing a story here. I'm gonna call it... Hmm... I know ! "Pride and prejudice" ! What do you guys think ?'

'Maybe "Requiem for a blood mage" ' said Fenris.

'Inglorious mages ?' Bethany laughed.

'How about "Mages of Sundermount: At World's End" ! Or "No Country For Old Elves"...' Varric was in the zone. Merrill smiled shyly.

'I'm nineteen.'

'Oh, right... Maybe "Million Sovereign Baby" ' ?

'I'm afraid I don't have that much money either.'

Shani smiled.

'I'd go with "Elven Beauty" ' she said so quietly, that only Bethany could hear her.

* * *

><p><em>Sorry for the ending, I wrote it when I was a little intoxicated and thought it was funny and then I just couldn't come up with anything else. Please leave reviews if you have the time because I don't really know if my writing is actually worth reading or should I just stop right now :3<em>


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